Standing After the Fall by Riley Mattingly
3/31/2022 9:26:00 AM | Soccer
A blown ACL is something you get used to seeing in the sport of soccer, unfortunately. I've stood right next to other girls on the ground, experiencing the sheer devastation of that sort of injury.
But nothing - and I mean nothing - prepares you for the moment when that girl on the ground is you.
It happened within the first 30 minutes of our first spring game in 2021.
I was running at this girl one-on-one and playing with a lot of confidence at the time. I was one of the oldest on the team, and Coach Wes Hart had just made me one of the team captains.
But as we were jockeying for the ball, she got a toe on it and changed the direction of it, which left me stuck in the air, completely off-balance. I just remember doing everything I could to change directions mid-air before coming down with all of my weight on my right leg.
POP!
It was textbook.
I immediately went down, and my trainer ran out onto the field. There I was, screaming at the top of my lungs because it felt like somebody just blew my kneecap off.
It hurt so bad.
Who would have ever thought I'd learn to appreciate a moment like that one? Looking back now, I'm actually thankful that happened to me.
Words cut the deepest
Of course, I didn't come to that realization right away. All I could think about was the pain when it first happened.
Originally, the doctor thought it was just a strained MCL, and I'd be back to playing in three weeks.
That was the best news ever at the time.
I was still on crutches waiting for my MRI to get back, and I remember saying, "Whew, if that's what a strained MCL feels like, I don't want to know what a torn ACL feels like."
So naturally, I was starting to feel a little better about the situation - and then I got the text message that instantly had my stomach in knots.
"Hey, are you home? I'm going to come by," my trainer texted.
I just remember thinking there's no way he had good news for me. He wouldn't be making a house call if it wasn't something serious.
So, he gets there and breaks the news that it was a torn ACL.
I just went completely quiet.
In an instant, it was like my entire world was crashing down all around me.
I went to bed and cried for the next nine months - no, not really that long, but I was devastated.
I'd never had a significant injury up until that point, and it was definitely tough. Just having one of the things you love most taken away is a hard pill to swallow.
Do you want to know the worst part, though?
I remember sitting there after the injury initially happened and someone coming up to me and saying, "Oh, it's your senior year, too. You're not going to have your senior year."
I'm not going to lie.
Those words cut deep.
A new perspective
But I refused to let those words have power over me.
My teammate messed up her knee a few weeks before I tore my ACL, and I just remember thinking that I would still be thankful to God for this opportunity, even if anything like that ever happened to me. I wouldn't be spiteful or angry about the situation.
Well, it was time for me to put my money where my mouth was.
I think I started getting better when I stopped feeling bad for myself. I was in that position for a reason, and God put me there for a reason.
So, I might as well make the best of it, right?
I made a lot of amazing relationships with other people in rehab that I wouldn't have made without that injury. Ultimately, it's been good for me and definitely helped me reprioritize my life while also renewing my love for the game.
But all of that didn't come easy.
It was almost unbearable at the beginning. For the first few months, I didn't even want to be at practice, honestly. It was just too much for me to watch because those feelings were so fresh.
I'd never not been out there competing with my teammates. Now, I wasn't even a sub. I wasn't dressing up or putting my cleats on. I was in the injured reserves.
Make no mistake, I was happy for my teammates. I love each and every one of them and want them to succeed, sometimes even more than myself. But I also missed the game so much that it just hurt to watch other people play.
However, things started to change as time went on.
I learned to appreciate being their biggest cheerleader. Truthfully, I was a bit nervous being an injured captain over such a big class of newcomers on the team. I really didn't know how I could earn their respect without having played with them.
As a captain, you want the players to respect you as a player first.
I had to navigate and do things a bit differently. I chose to lead them in hopes that they respected me based on the fact that I care about them as more than just players.
At the end of the day, their success is the program's success, and that's what matters most.
Moment of truth
That doesn't mean I haven't been working my butt off behind the scenes rehabbing and preparing to return. I didn't go home all of last year until after the season was over because I thought I was going to get to play last fall.
After getting cleared, the hope was that I'd get to play half of the SEC games and whatever games we had in the upcoming tournaments.
And then the next day, I pulled my quad and was out for two games.
That's when I lost it.
I was mad at that point because it was all starting to get a bit ridiculous.
You'd think I'd be out there struggling after my knee injury, but there I was - sidelined once again by a quad injury.
That's when Coach Wes called me and asked if I thought about redshirting. It honestly hadn't even crossed my mind before that point because I was dead set on playing no matter what. It really was a tough decision for me at the time because I was just ready to get back out there with my teammates.
When it was time to make a decision, I remember warming up and thinking I was going to play. I was completely dressed and everything.
And then the moment of truth came.
We're down a goal against Kentucky with 10 minutes left to play. Coach Wes looks at me and says, "What did you decide?"
And I just froze.
"Uhhh. Uhhh. Uhhh," I said.
Those were literally the only words I could get out at the time. He then pointed to two girls behind me and told them to go and warm up.
So that's how it was decided.
I redshirted that year, and I still have a COVID season as well, which means I have two more years of doing what I love to do.
And believe me, after everything I've been through over the last year, I won't waste it.
I'm going to soak it all in—each and every second of it.
